The Violence Cycle in an Abusive Relationship
Many do not realize it, but there is a violence cycle in an abusive relationship. Ultimately, this means that there is a distinct pattern in which the abuse that is typically experienced is issues. In the first stages, the partner who abuses will actually act in an aggressive manner.
Such aggressive behavior is indicative of power trips enjoyed by the abusive partner, who views violence as a means of controlling the victim. Although this behavior is typical of many abusers, violence does not stop here. The cycle of violence and abuse entails several other stages.
Guilt often follows aggressive behavior. However, the root of this guilt is not repentance on the part of the abusive partner. Rather, guilt results from fears of being discovered, as well as the possible legal and social consequences involved.
Rather than feeling sorry for the pain, harsh words and emotional beating they inflict on their partner, abusive partners feel sorry for themselves when they anticipate themselves getting caught by family members and friends, and being sanctioned for their actions.
The next characteristic when it comes to the violence cycle in abusive relationships is blame, or possibly even a type of rationalization from the abuser regarding their actions. It is often challenging for an abuser to admit that they are responsible for their words, their thoughts, and their actions.
They like to think that their partners are directly responsible for the violence and abuse. In this stage, the abusive partners pass the blame from themselves to their victims. The abusive partners also now stage behavior to convince the world that they are the real victims, and not the culprits of a violent and abusive relationship.
Immediately following the stage of rationalization, and making themselves out to being a victim, the abuser will typically indulge in behaviors that are appealing. The abuser is likely to project behaviors that are within the normal range, or behaviors that their partner found appealing when agreeing to indulge in a long term commitment with them.
Called the Honeymoon Phase by mental health counselors, victim advocates and law enforcement personnel, this agreeable stage in the cycle allows the abusive partners to regain the affection and forgiveness of their victims. The abused partners then begin to hope that the abusers have changed for good.
The Honeymoon Phase is sadly short-lived. Shortly thereafter, the abuser will once again revert to degrading and violent behavior. The cycle of abuse then starts anew. If you or somebody you know is a victim of abuse, you should understand that it is a vicious cycle that will keep on happening unless you make a stand.
Changing for the better is almost always a difficult, if not an impossible task for many abusive partners. The least that both the abuser and the victim can do is to seek help in handling and recovering from the emotional and physical trauma effected by the cycle.
